Couples who talk about sex together, stay together

Sex can be a difficult topic to talk about, especially in the context of your relationship. No matter how long you have been together, bringing up and discussing sex with your partner can feel weird or uncomfortable. This is totally understandable. But, if you and your partner want a healthy and happy sex life, then the key is to talk about it. In talking about sex with your partner, you not only can outline your wants and needs for this aspect of the relationship, but this can lead to even greater physical and sexual intimacy for you both.

If sexual intimacy is just as important to the relationship as emotional and physical intimacy, then how come it is the one things couples are afraid to talk about? Despite what you may believe, talking about sex with your partner frequently and thoroughly actually leads to a more rich and satisfying sex life, rather than taking the spontaneity or heat out of the act. This is because sexual intimacy is about more than just sex, it is about connecting with your partner in powerful and meaningful ways– a type of bond that cannot be achieved through conversation or cuddling.

Although important, knowing how to start a conversation with your partner about sex can feel daunting. You are not alone. Before beginning any difficult conversation, it is important that you and your partner set ground rules or guidelines around talking about sex as setting these expectations can alleviate any tension or anxiety that is present. The following are several tips we picked up from the Gottman Institute on some helpful ground rules you and your partner can utilize for your conversation around having sex.

  1. Be kind and be positive.
  2. Be patient.
  3. Don’t take it personally.
  4. Be open and accommodating.
  5. Don’t be afraid to revisit the topic again and again.

If you and your partner want a more satisfying sex life but have not discussed it yet, start this conversation today. Additionally, because people and relationships change over time, sex should be a topic that comes up openly and frequently with you partner, as you continue to identify and renegotiate your wants and needs. For more information on sex therapy or for some professional support and guidance, check out our Sex Therapy services page.


For more information on the blog that inspired this post, click here. Photo by Jonathan Borba on Unsplash.

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