As your relationship with your chosen significant other develops and progresses, you may encounter rough patches, moments where you feel frustrated or misunderstood by your partner. You might even feel like your attraction and intimacy with your partner has suffered and isn’t what it used to be. In those moments, remember that this is a natural part of relationships. There are simple ways you and your partner can build connection and achieve intimacy.
The key to building a deep and satisfying connection with your partner is providing for as well as experiencing emotional safety. Emotional safety is feeling safe and secure with a partner because they provide you space for being vulnerable and emotionally intimate with them. When you feel contempt for your partner, this can be an indicator that there has been a lack of emotional safety and intimacy between you. We each play a role in our relationships, and a way you can begin to build safety and connection is by examining your role in the disconnection.
Some questions to consider when examining your role in the emotional strains in your relationship with your partner include:
Are you experiencing unmet needs or vulnerable feelings such as hurt, fear, or shame that you are acting-out indirectly (perhaps angrily) rather than expressing in a non-blaming, mature way?
How well are you listening when your partner expresses feelings or needs that might be uncomfortable to hear?
Are you contributing to emotional disconnection because you insist on being right or feel uncomfortable when you don’t have control over a situation?
Is it difficult to soothe yourself when you’re feeling frustrated or do you vent frustrations on others?
Do you tend to react defensively or not take your partner’s feelings and preferences seriously enough?
Are you using words, body language (eye-rolling, head-shaking), or a tone of voice that raises your partner’s shields?
Through increased self-awareness, you can increase your own confidence in being vulnerable with your partner, and thus, providing the space and sense of safety for your partner to be vulnerable with you. All of this is for you and your partner to achieve deep and meaningful intimacy.
For more information on achieving intimacy, you can find the article that inspired this post here.