What’s Your Parenting Style?

February is National Parenting Leadership Month and we’re committed to giving parents the closest thing to a parenting manual as we can. Starting off at the very beginning: how to strategically parent from the start.

Deciding on how to parent your children can be an agonizing journey. Do we parent how we were parented? Do we parent the exact opposite of how we were parented? Whatever you decide, your personal parenting style can have a significant influence on your children. Decades of in-depth research pulls back the curtain on the various parenting methods and how they can be detrimental or beneficial to our children. Although families may have varying cultures, environments and traditions, parenting styles play a key role in a child’s behavior, mental health and academic achievement (scholarworks.wm.edu, 2013). Today, we’re setting out to examine the most common parenting styles, consequences of ineffective parenting styles and what parenting style is widely believed to yield happy, well-adjusted children.

Let’s focus on the four most common parenting styles across all cultures as defined by The American Society for the Positive Child Care (SPCC): permissive, authoritarian, uninvolved and authoritative.

1. Permissive Parenting
   Permissive parenting can be found in the top left quadrant in the below image and is classified as loving and warm but can be overly indulgent with low expectations for their children. Permissive parents struggle to enforce rules or a schedule and demand little from their children. They oftentimes would rather be liked by their children than a parent to them. Permissive parents find discomfort in watching their children struggle and will shield them from natural consequences.
2. Authoritarian Parenting
   Authoritarian parenting can be found in the bottom right quadrant and is classified as highly demanding while also yielding little response from children. Authoritarian parents set strict rules and are highly demanding, but struggle to show warmth, compassion and understanding to their children (americanspcc.org, 2024). This lack of understanding can often push children away from their parents in later years. This parenting style does not allow for open communications regarding discipline and may lead children to rebel.
3. Uninvolved Parenting
   Uninvolved parentin g can be found in the bottom left quadrant and is classified as being low demand and yielding little responses from children. Uninvolved parents can struggle to connect to their children. Uninvolved, or absent, parents can at times show little regard for their children and also fail to enforce rules and boundaries. These types of parents may be overwhelmed in their own lives and struggle to identify their children’s needs which results in virtually no parental guidance and lifelong struggles for their children.
4. Authoritative Parenting
   Authoritative parenting, not to be confused with authoritarian, can be found in the top right quadrant and is classified as loving and warm, but having high expectations of their children. Authoritative parents are highly involved and implement both rules and a schedule. They balance discipline and affection by communicating about age appropriate discipline and allowing children autonomy to make their own choices, within designated boundaries. Scores of studies show that the authoritative parent that gives love and provides rules and structure results in the most positive outcomes for children (scholarworks.wm.edu, 2013).

Within permissive parenting, despite parents being very loving, the lack of rules and consequences are profoundly detrimental to a child. These children will struggle with boundaries, rule following and self-control (americanspcc.org, 2024). Studies also show children of permissive parents are more likely to engage in risk taking behaviors like drugs and sex (scholarworks.wm.edu, 2013). For uninvolved, or absent, parenting, children are likely to have low self-esteem, be impulsive and have mental health problems likely due to their parents lack of participation and interest (americanspcc.org, 2024). Studies also show children of uninvolved parents have high rates of depression, high rates of smoking and poor school achievements (scholarworks.wm.edu, 2013). In authoritarian parenting, children are highly likely to rebel. Children of authoritarian parents will often feel like they will never be good enough (americanspcc.org, 2024). Studies also show children of authoritarian parents may lack the ability to make their own decisions, have a hard time with their peers or being social, and poor coping skills (scholarworks.wm.edu, 2013

Research has overwhelmingly shown that the children of authoritative parents, who provide both affection and boundaries, will see positive impacts long term. Their children will be emotionally stable, have adaptive coping skills, greater life satisfaction, be socially competent and have lower levels of problem behavior (pscyhologytoday.com, 2020). Research also shows the children of authoritative parents, or highly involved parents, are likely to report feeling happy, self-confident, goal oriented, curious and self-reliant (americanspcc.org, 2024). Other research shows authoritative, or guiding parents, will have children that exhibit less aggression, less attention problems and less hyperactivity and also perform better academically (scholarworks.wm.edu, 2013).

Overall, parenting is an extremely demanding and overwhelming season of life. We’d love for it to be as simple as checking a box for what type of parent we want to be to see the best lifelong results for our children. Unfortunately, parenting holds up a mirror for our biggest flaws, triggers and insecurities. That being said, there are strategies you can use to be the type of parent you want to be and we’re here to help. If you are finding yourself in a cycle of negative parenting, reach out to us. Schedule an appointment today to start learning skills and tools to show up as the best possible parent you can be for your children. Your future adult children will thank you for it. It’s never too late to try something new, something healthy.

• How Parenting Style Influences Children: A Review of Controlling, Guiding, and Permitting Parenting Styles on Children’s Behavior, Risk- Taking, Mental Health, and Academic Achievement
• The 4 Types of Parenting Styles – American SPCC
• There Is a Right and a Wrong Way to Parent | Psychology Today