The Importance of Family Routines | Arizona Center For Marriage & Family Therapy

Raising children and maintaining the everyday needs of a family is essentially a circus act. Let’s not mince words here. There is chaos, screaming, the occasional clown and, somehow, everything and everyone is sticky. Finding the peace inside the circus tent is a combination of consistency and well laid plans. A reliable routine can help keep your family on track even when everything else may be a mess. The beauty of a routine is that it can be unique to your family and their needs. Dr. Shelly Vaziri Flais, M.D., a pediatrician with the American Academy of Pediatrics, shares that the hardest part of a routine is finding one that offers the flexibility of navigating life with children while also alleviating the chaotic pain points of busy life (healthychildren.org, 2024). Today, we want to learn the concepts of a family routine, the consequences of not utilizing routines and the benefits of having them.

What are the concepts of a family routine?

Reliable, consistent routines help make our lives easier and mitigate the inevitable chaos of raising a family. In fact, children do best when they have routines that are consistent, predictable and regular (healthychildren.org, 2024). Children find safety in predictability. One of the most overwhelming parts of having a routine is building the routine itself. What works one day may be a complete flop the next. It’s important to not look at this as a setback but as information for curating your routine.

Break the day down by segments and tackle one segment at a time. Start with the morning. Some effective tools can include: getting clothes, backpacks and lunches prepped the night before, waking up at the same time or having breakfast together. Mornings can feel tense and rushed as you race against the clock to get out the door. One trick can be offering your children choices: would you like to get dressed first or eat breakfast? This autonomy can help children feel in control while operating within the parameters that we need them to. Another sticky part of the morning can be saying goodbye, especially for younger children. Having a goodbye routine that children can quickly execute at drop off can start their day feeling connected and secure.

Now bring this approach to the rest of the day: post-school, extra curricular activities, bedtime, etc. Remember, if things get derailed, use that as data to improve your routine next time. Treat your routines like a living, breathing, ever evolving entity. As our children get older their needs and schedules will change and we will need to adapt their routines appropriately.

What are the consequences of not having family routines?

Extensive research has been done to determine if there are adverse effects on children and families when homes lack the structure that routines can provide. One study, which echoes many other researchers’ findings, concluded that children from homes operating without routines can struggle with poor social and emotional functioning, poor cognitive development, poor academic achievement, behavioral problems and physical health problems. Other outcomes can include poor communication skills, parent and child conflicts, negative parenting and less connection (nih.gov, 2020). Another study found that families that lack established routines may experience significantly more struggles in the event of a familial crisis than a family with reliable routines (nih.gov, 2018).

What are the benefits of having routines in your family?

There are numerous benefits to creating and sticking to a family routine. A 50-year study concluded that routines are associated with: marital success, greater adolescent and children’s health, academic achievement, stronger family relationships and the powerful ability to offer stability during a family crisis, stressor or transition (apa.org, 2002). Routines also help families experience less stress, create healthy habits, learn life skills like chores while also creating a safe, stable and predictable environment (familylives.org, 2024). Routines are also beneficial for children’s mental health. Routines can increase happiness, decrease depression and bipolar and help those recovering from addictions (webmd.com, 2024).

Building and maintaining a routine is so much easier said than done. Our best advice is to keep tweaking your routines. It may take time to find the routine that works for you and your family, but don’t get discouraged. The data strongly supports raising families with routines and structure to support resilient, adaptable children that will, hopefully, become capable, hard working and confident adults.

As always, we are here for you on your mental health journey. If you are struggling with parenting, your own mental health, supporting your children through their journeys please reach out to us today. Hit the “Schedule Now” button in the top right corner of your screen to schedule with a therapist today.