If you’ve found your way to our website then you probably already know that marriage can be both beautiful and, well, very challenging. Simply put: marriage is work. There are so many variables that can drive a marriage apart. Whether it’s parenting, addiction, differing values, or even infidelity, there are avenues to repair and overcome. Research shows us ways to overcome these challenges so that we can have successful relationships that bring us joy. Today we want to learn: the common challenges in marriage, how to overcome these challenges and the benefits of long term relationships like marriage.
What are some common challenges in marriage?
Psychology Today identifies a handful of hurdles that can plague a relationship: fading enthusiasm, working long hours, lack of personal time, character discrepancies, lack of sex, infidelity, abuse, addiction and lackluster effort (psychologytoday.com, 2020). Marriage.com pinpoints these additional causes of strain in marriage: traumatic situations, stress, jealousy, communication problems, financial strains, trust issues and differences in expressing love (marriage.com, 2024). And not to forget, children. Not just having children, but mismatches in parenting styles can also create significant challenges in a marriage. We will note that this is not a comprehensive list. Challenges will vary amongst relationships and overcoming those challenges is not a one size fits all approach.
How do we overcome challenges in marriage?
The renowned psychologists Dr. John and Julie Gottman explain that to overcome challenges in your marriage you have to learn how to fight. Couples must learn that conflict is meant to pull them together and is a key mechanism in relationships to promote connection and compassion for one another (npr.org, 2024). The Gottman’s were kind enough to offer us some conflict rules of engagement. In the midst of conflict they advise against flooding your spouse with their mistakes. Take a break until you cool off. Don’t assume you’re 100% right. Find common ground and try to appreciate how your spouse is different from you and how that is a benefit not a detriment (npr.org, 2024). It is important to remember that good and gentle communication coupled with listening, can solve many of the challenges couples face.
What are the benefits of making a marriage work?
Despite all the stress that can accompany a relationship, being with someone long term can actually have significant health benefits. Being with someone we love can release dopamine which stimulates pleasure in the brain (news.harvard.edu, 2018). Harvard Medical School shares that people who are married are statistically more likely to live longer, have less strokes or heart attacks, lower chance of depression, less likely to have advanced cancer or more likely to survive it, more likely to survive a major operation than those who are single (health.haravard.edu, 2016).
So while marriage can bring about some of life’s most trying times, there are so many benefits for choosing to be married and working through the challenges of a long term relationship. Not only do you have a built-in bestie, travel partner and potentially accomplice, if that’s your speed, but you have someone there at the end of a hard day, during times of loss and sadness and someone there to celebrate you throughout your life.
As always, we’re here for you if you’re struggling personally or in your relationship. Please reach out to us to schedule today to meet with one of your therapists.
Sources:
The Top 12 Relationship Problems, According to the Experts | Psychology Today
25 Common Marriage Problems Faced by Couples & Their Solutions
How successful couples handle conflict : Life Kit : NPR
Scientists find a few surprises in their study of love — Harvard Gazette
